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Permalink Reply by Debby Ross on September 18, 2011 at 5:39pm

If you are paying for your daughters education I personally think you have every right to request her to take drug tests.  Our children now days have no idea of the sacrifices we have made for them and continue to make.  I would not trade having my children for all the wealth of the world but I have already told my child that he will lose his car, phone, and whatever else I am paying for if he cannot make decent grades while in college.  People will "thumbs down" me but I am an older parent and could be retiring soon but will continue to work to enable a college education for my children.  I will not pay for the luxuries of life (car, car insurance, medical insurance, phone, etc.) if he cannot carry his end of the weight.  When I attended college, I paid my own way, did not have a phone, computer, car, etc. and I made it. 

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Permalink Reply by Burgundy Hanrahan on September 20, 2011 at 6:38pm

I didn't realize that this forum was for parents but let me give you a student's point of view (I myself do not take part in parties, drinking, or smoking pot).

 

Unless she's doing drugs at a harmful level (harmful to her health, life, academics) then no. Leave her alone. College kids are gonna experiment, it's a part of life. Let them make their mistakes & hopefully they'll learn from them.

 

Specific to pot: Unless she starts skipping class on a regular basis to smoke or like, becomes a hermit, leave her be, pot is not something to be super concerned with.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Mesirow on September 20, 2011 at 7:21pm

It might be more worth your time to find out why your daughter's choices have so rapidly changed.  Is it her peer group? College stress? Is she even smoking, or just spending time with people who do?

 

Here's what: you made financial and emotional sacrifices for 18 years to raise her for 18 years.  Were there ever any conditions on that? Did you ever say "You have to be a certain religion, have a certain hair style, avoid certain behaviors, etc. etc.?"

I have seen students' lives destroyed and family bonds broken because someone has recinded college payment for one reason or another.  You made a choice to fund your daughter's education.  You did not say "I will only fund your education if you do x, y, and z."  I have also seen students' lives destroyed and family bonds broken because of drug use.  But the way to handle it is not to force her to take drug tests.

 

It might be good to sit down with her face-to-face (after speaking to a resource on her campus--i.e. the counseling center or the substance abuse prevention staff) and talk about your expectations since you are paying and she is an adult...but it should come from a place of care and concern.  She is not an employee.  She is your daughter.  Make the choice to care more about your investment in your daughter, not your financial investment.

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